“Surely just one drink won’t hurt, just one drink,” I said to myself.
Many of you will know I started my journey to alcohol freedom in 2016 and after many happy months of freedom I have found myself back at square one.
Now, I used to be someone who would spend much time dwelling on the past. One of the lessons I learned during the time I was free was that dwelling on the past is really not that helpful.
Indeed, the only time I believe it serves a real purpose is by taking notes of the lessons you may have learned.
So what have I learned I here you asked? – it is best described by the following quote from Craig Beck’s book, Alcohol Lied to Me Again, 2014.
“Alcohol is the most powerfully deceptive drug on planet earth. You weakened its hold on you by quitting the first time around but you can’t kill it. Alcohol will never change. It will never get less harmful or be able to be controlled. Every time, you go back to it the outcome will be the same. It will smile nicely, tell you it loves you and then immediately try to kill you.” (Craig Beck, Alcohol Lied To Me Again, 2014).
Some of you reading this in isolation may find this a little extreme but in the context of the book and what Craig Beck described as the “alcohol propaganda trap” it’s so true.
You see the trouble with time is that memories of hurt fade – especially when you are progressing forward and things are improving.
The example I always use is a trip to the dentist for a filling. At first the pain of your tooth ache is so extreme you can do nothing else but want to get rid of it as quickly as possible. In this moment there is nothing in your world that can take any priority until it’s dealt with. You visit the dentist nervously and receive your filling and all is well. Within hours you are back to normal and forgetting your trauma.
… and so with time the advice that the dentist gave you to brush well, floss and rinse fades. Your routines return to normal, the flossing stops but you still rinse every now and then and bang another toothache! Changing habits requires persistence, determination, repetition and absolute clarity on “why” you are doing it. It’s not about will power but absolutely about clarity and knowledge to see my direction of flow.
So this time around I am making an effort to record my journey and capture it. Not to dwell on the past but to remember why I am doing this and what I have learned. I am doing this to remember that my freedom only happens when I look after myself and ensure my healthy habits are part of this routine daily and weekly.
So after some mild discomfort I am sat here 5 days clear from my beautifully packaged poison. I’m taking my vitamins, implementing very slowly my healthier habits and walking away from the propaganda. So far I am doing this through mindfulness, gaining knowledge and reprogramming of my mind.
I will write more on the “why” and my “why” in future blogs. My immediate concern is to be mindful of my feelings, to generate new healthier habits and to reprogramming how I see alcohol. Again, I will write more about what I mean by this in future blogs.
I would love you to join me on my journey as I put as much distance between myself and alcohol as I can and share with you my experiences to alcohol freedom.
I hope that by sharing these I can serve you in some small way too.
I look forward to writing next week.