Week 12 – Writing Down My Thoughts

Hey there … it’s perfectly normal to hit a wall. I’ve just searched the internet for “feeling flat when sober.” The return that came back was as follows:

https://soberistas.wordpress.com/2013/03/04/the-4-emotional-stages-of-sobriety/

It’s an old post but helpful to some degree – in fact the internet is amazing and very helpful as a tool – normally someone somewhere has experienced something you are going through!

Today is a fabulously warm sunny British day – the thermometer has reached 29 degrees Celsius (84 Fahrenheit) and the World (from my angle anyway) seems to have a smile on it’s face.

England has just kicked off their football match and everyone it seems is either locking themselves in their living rooms or heading out to the nearest bar to watch the match. I’m not really that into football however it’s hard not to become mopped up in the excitement and focus around the World Cup.

Screenshot 2018-06-28 at 19.07.59

I’ve just been shopping for tonight’s dinner goods and my thoughts are worryingly “alcohol loss” focused.

What do I mean by this … quite simply that I feel like I am missing out on not drinking.

So I’ve just stopped to ask myself some questions why?

I’ve also stopped to ask myself the question; where have you come from and why are you doing this in the first place?

I recall one of my earlier quotes from going free in week 1:

“Alcohol is the most powerfully deceptive drug on planet earth. You weakened its hold on you by quitting the first time around but you can’t kill it. Alcohol will never change. It will never get less harmful or be able to be controlled. Every time, you go back to it the outcome will be the same. It will smile nicely, tell you it loves you and then immediately try to kill you.” (Craig Beck, Alcohol Lied To Me Again, 2014).

Alcohol is currently smiling nicely at me in all it’s glory. I’m not here to have a battle with it – I’m simply here to remember what it is – beautifully packaged poison.

So what’s changed:

  • I’m currently on a break this week and it’s probably the first time I have had in a while to sit in my head quietly.
  • I’m in the process of buying a new property.
  • It’s sunny and I feel like I’m on holiday – well I am on holiday and it is sunny! Sun and holiday used to = beer.
  • There’s a realisation in my mind that the short term high and relaxation I got with alcohol is not achievable through other mediums at this time – for example running, writing, cooking or carrying out any other things I enjoy.

So what am I going to do to respond to this?

  • Pause – slow down and just quietly and mindfully ride through the next few hours.
  • Remember where I have come from – 3 months ago  was sick and tired of being sick and tired. My health was not the best (skin, weight, mental well being etc) and I could not see into the future. I was walking in the Matrix – stuck.

3 Months later and I:

  • I have progressed immeasurably both in mind and body.
  • I have attending and completed several well being courses / I have run up to 5 km / I am looking after my health better and taking vitamins / I am achieving more at work and at home (I have sold my house) / I have been there more for my children / I have spoken more to family / I have treated myself better …

Quite a list I think to give up – so I’m not going to.

I must remember when I look back on myself in 5 years time what do I want to see? I know what this looks like in my mind and I will spend time visualising this.

So in summary:

  1. Remember my “why?”
  2. Celebrate my successes so far.
  3. Visualise the future me …
  4. and one more not mentioned – spend time in the present through practising mindfulness.

Visualise:

Visualise what you want, where you will be and how it will feel and even taste and you have a powerful tool in your well ...

The benefits of drinking alcohol are no longer – there are none apart from the subconscious mind that has been programmed by the alcohol industry.

Feeling stronger.

I hope by sharing my experience I have served you in some small way.

Sam

 

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